My "Curb Your Enthusiasm" Daddy Moment

If you need further proof that I'm a wuss and my wife is the tough one in this marriage of mine, read on.

First we have to go back about ten days ago. I told Michelle (the tough chick I wed) that she could get some rest as I'd take the baby on a walk. But when I went outside to retrieve the stroller, it was no where to be found. It was usually on our front porch, but not this time.

Was it in the car? No. The garage? Again nope. Not in the backyard either.

Like Red Sox fans in New York, the $200 stroller that I bought for my first son and was now using for baby #2 was no where to be found.

And not just any stroller. A "JEEP" brand jogging stroller that had an iPod hook-up. The kind of stroller that handled the hills of Runyon Canyon and the sand of Hermosa Beach just as well as it maneuvered on Melrose Ave... And did I mention it cranked out the Bon Jovi all the while.

Here's the stroller on Hermosa Beach circa 2006

What kind of douche-bag would steal a baby stroller, I wondered?

I mean, I could almost understand ripping off an ugly baby, but not one as cute as this guy - That takes a serious case of a*holery. No?

Baby #2, The cutest guy I know resting in his JEEP jogging stroller just days before its disappearance.

A week went by and I just couldn't get it out of my head... Who would screw over a baby?

Last Thursday night, I finally got the answer.... My neighbors down the street, that's who.

Trying not to wake the kids at 9:30 PM, I paused the DVR (was watching House) and took a phone call outside. As I chatted on the driveway, this woman who lives three houses down strolled on by with her kid in MY stroller. I know this because in the year of living her in the Valley, I've NEVER seen this woman walk her kids in a stroller and now all of a sudden she's doing so in the EXACT make and model that I'm missing? No F-in' Way!

Being the puss that I am, I tell my wife rather than do anything about it myself.

Truth be told, I'm so no confrontational, I told her we should just write it off and move on. I mean it's not like someone who steals something is gonna admit it... Who's with me on that?

Regardless of what I (the spineless blob) thought, my wife awoke the very next morning and immediately rushed over - Getting in the woman's face.

The woman, of course, speaks NO ENGLISH, but luckily her Dish Network is on-the-fritz and the tech there fixin' it is bi-lingual (side note: My DirecTV has never been out).

Between my wife's yelling and the Dish Network tech's disapproval, the woman was ultimately shamed into retrieving the stroller and handing it back over.

She tried to tell the Dish tech that she "found" it down the street, but my wife wasn't buying that load of crap.

Fast forward to this afternoon...

For some reason, I almost feel like WE did something wrong. It's weird feeling guilty about something you're 100% in the right about, but I've got this amazing sense of wrong doing. It makes NO SENSE whatsoever, I know.

I guess it's Long Island-raised "Jewish guilt" thing. Even though I'm not Jewish, sometimes I kinda feel like I am.

(insert your own semi-humorous religious analogy here)

So for the record, I'm a pussy, my wife's a warrior, and this continues to be a very Curb Your Enthusiasm-esque situation.