Ugly Babies Come From Ugly Parents...

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Posh and Becks go Pumpkin Picking

So my big meeting yesterday went down the tubes... Story of my life.

Anyway, feeling slightly depressed I decided to take the boys to the ginormous Pumpkin Patch in Woodland Hills. (They've got hayrides, a corn maze, a haunted house, merry-go-round, moon bouncers, train rides, bumper boats and more)

How could all that not cheer a guy up after hearing "pitch meeting rejection" for the umpteenth time?

So we're in the area with all the pumpkins... And we notice a somewhat attractive woman who may or may not be Posh Spice.

Two seconds later, we hear the voice and CONFIRMED, it's her... (big points to my wife for spotting her)

Wow, stars really are just like us... They go pumpkin picking! Who knew?

As an aside, here I am praying my son doesn't want a $20 pumpkin and she's loading 2 carts full of them... I guess they're overpriced for me and you, but not for someone who's husband signed a $250 million contract to play soccer. (Seriously, $250 million in the bank or not, 20 bucks for a giant orange gourd is redonkulous)

Back to the story...

Where's Becks? Where's Becks I ask my wife like a school girl looking for the Jonas Brothers?

Boom! There he is.... Ooh dreamy.

Now, I'm doing whatever I can to take pictures of my kids while also getting the uber-power couple in the shots as well. (It's the few weeks of TMZ in me)

A task made more difficult due to the FOUR security guards surrounding them and talking into headsets... A bit intimidating to say the least.

Got a few photos and then it was time to move on before security kicked my ass. Though in retrospect, getting beat up by their posse may have actually helped my career.

We then made our way to the train ride.... And who ended up there, but Becks himself.

Not knowing where to buy ride tickets, I repeatedly asked the 16 year-old dim bulb running the ride, but he never answered.

Seeing my frustration, good ole Becks turned to me and said, "Here, take our tickets... We're calling it a day now... Have a good time with your boy."

"Are you sure," I asked, as if a man worth half a billion dollars couldn't spare the 20 bucks worth of tickets he handed me.

"No problem, mate, we're paying for our pumpkins and heading home." (at least I think he called me mate... I kinda got lost for a second in his dreamy eyes - I'm not saying I'm gay, but if I was it's safe to say Becks is totally my type)

At this point, Posh was gone. Becks and his security team rolled their pumpkins to the register and moments later he was off to the black SUV with Posh sitting in the passenger seat - Leaving his security team behind to pay for the two giant wagons full of pumpkins.

That was the part my wife loved most. Asking me, "Do you realize how cool it would be to go shopping and then leave someone behind to wait on line and pay for everything while you dash home?"

So now I really have to sell a show so my wife can have a personal shopper.

Crap... Anyone know some TV producers that wanna buy some game shows? They're good!

BTW, if you liked this or any other post on the Hollywood Dad blog, please leave a comment here. Comments are WAY BETTER than emails. Thanks in advance.

And hello to all my European friends who seem to be finding this blog by "Googling" my new friend Becks.

"And where did they find that little boy's head?"

A while back, I was grocery shopping at Ralph's. Nothing special, minding my own business.



As I turned into the aisle with chips and soda I saw a small boy of no more than 5 jumping excitedly and then, all of a sudden, he bolted to the end of the row towards the perimeter dairy refrigerators in back.



Immediately I heard the boy's Latino mom yelling at Miguel to, "Get Back Here! Miguel... Get Back Here, PRONTO!" 



Sheepishly the boy returned, and you'd think that most sane parents would end it there.... But this woman was clearly nuts so scolding did not cease.



"What did I tell you happened to that little boy who ran from his mother at the grocery store last week," she asked in a very abbreviated cadence and raised voice.



The little boy looked down, tail between his legs, and replied, "The crazy man took him."



Wow, talk about setting the kid up for nightmares, but this comedy of horrors didn't end there.

Mommy dearest continued on, "And where did they find that little boy's head?"



The boy began to quiver... And you could hear his nerves take over as he answered ever so feintly, "In the river."



THE BEAUTIFUL LA RIVER IN ALL HER GLORY

Sensing that she'd won, mommy went for one final blow, "Do want me and daddy to find your head in the river? Is that what you want for some crazy man to steal you and chop off your head and throw it in the river? Is that what you want? (Beat) Is it! (Beat) Well, is it!!!"



Tears began to well up in the boys face as he simultaneously sniffled and murmered, "No". 



Even now, many weeks later, I can't help thinking about Miguel and how horrible that example was.

Then again it also show me you can get kids to do anything if you put a little scare into them...

"Oh, you don't want to do your homework... You know orphanages for kids who don't want to do their homework... so hit the books kiddo."